The Art of "Bersalam"

"Bersalam" is not really shaking hands. It resembles a handshake, but with both hands outstretched and without the grasp. A good explanation is in this particular You Tube video



That explains the simple art of bersalam to foreigners but among the Malays, there are undiscussed or unwritten procedures about bersalam. It never ceases to amaze me how many mistakes I have done from young until even now when it comes to bersalam. It is a simple malay etiquette which could make a difference between you being a person who respect the "adat" or tradition or you do not respect the adat, people around you or the occasion. You are marked  for life.

Bersalam in a majlis (ceremony) is very tricky for me. Be it the enggagement, marriage, death... etc. Even more so if the ceremony is in a very small village or malay kampungs. When do you start salam and when do you ever stop? From the point of entering the ceremony home owner, I have succumbed to salam with everyone until I find  a place to sit. It can be so tiring and sometimes frustrating as I do not know half or even anyone of them. I know now that that's the whole point, to "eratkan silaturrahim" or strengthen the relationships or "memanjangkan silaturrahim" or start new relationships with the people you meet in these ceremonies.

Another tricky occasion would be in a more controlled environment. If you have people visiting you and they are in a middle of conversation and another family member arrives, he/she are required to give minimum respect by going over to bersalam. I still find this a little funny as I would think interrupting a conversation to extend a salam would be rude. I was wrong.

The simplest of bersalam for me is to make sure you extend the salam when you visit someone and before you leave. No question about it whatsoever.

Why is this topic important? I had taken a lot of lecturing, lost relationships and ridiculed due to my salam etiquette. I do think it is a small matter but as years gone by, I think it is not worth losing freinds and family over it. Deal with it, learn the etiquette and hopefully I would be able to achieve silaturrahim along the way.

What salam incidents have you been gone through before?